my not-so important story

So, it was a day before my birthday and I was traveling home by a bus. With me is this big shawarma that i have all the intent to eat down to the last drip of sauce.

I chose to sit beside this not-so cute guy. The bus was moving, silence prevailed for the 2 of us except for the crumpling sound of plastic wrapper - that sheathed my food - every time I took a bite. I ate all of it until all that was left was the onion-y smell that wafted in the small space between us. Trust me, do not eat this kind of food in public. The smell lingers. And then we passed by this old church and the bus came to halt. Then to my shock, at the same exact moment, we both lifted our respective right hand - him to make a sign of cross... I to pick the parcel of food that stuck between my teeth. That's when I knew he was catholic...

Not my proudest moment, I should say.

sister's friend

Saturday, 05-03-14, 9AM

My sister's friend is in the house, brokenhearted. You know my sister is just the sweetest; she went out clubbing without bringing me, went home almost at sunrise bringing a sad sad friend with her and then left home for work this morning.

She just left and whispered to a not so awake me, "____ is here, she just broke up with his boyfriend so talk to her". I mean, i just woke up. I was barely on earth. I dont have time to process all those information and then she just gone. And now i have a responsibility. I mean there are reasons why I don't get dogs, people. RESPONSIBILITIES!

So right now, its been 2 hours since i knew that there is a mourning soul in the living room and i just couldn't bring myself out. Its very quiet. I had just put on the table all of our foods on my way to the CR and just told her to eat coz you know, in case  she wanna eat her feelings out. I left the scene right after. Im just too awkward to handle her pain imma as well cry with her. And then i have a plan, in case i hear sobbing, i will just gonna... RUN!

that quake

You know that quake that recently hit Cebu (originally in bohol)? Apparently, I was traumatized so much I've always been plotting my escape at any given moment in any given activity I was caught in in case that will happen again. It happened about half a year ago and I still couldn't be naked inside the apartment for more that 5 seconds (unless when I'm showering) because you just wouldn't save yourself, running into the streets with no clothes on. Uh-nuh, I would rather die.

- when I'm taking a bath, I make sure that the towel is at arm's reach so that I could just grab it on "just in case"

- or when I'm doing my potty, I have to be very quick "just in case"

So I guess I will be celibate for the next 10 years. I just couldn't relax and lost my guard that long. haha! I wanted to be on the lookout always. 

The only time I got to be relax is when I'm sleeping. Or eating. Which reminds me. At the time when the aftershocks were frequent (2 months after the quake), one time, I was eating a krispy kreme donut (you know, because I always watch my weight, duh!), I put it on the plate half eaten while I texted somebody on my phone. Then, I felt the tremors again, harder this time, I was panicking so much I dropped my phone on the floor and immediately grabbed the donut on my way out of the apartment. So, there, now you know where my loyalties lies. Priorities man, priorities!

2 become 1

Meanwhile, on my way to the city (from Oslob), in the bus...

Manang here, decided, that my shoulder would be the best pillow for the ride. Uhm, please excuse my lip-twitching, apparently I wasn't that amused as she was for the whole ordeal. 

Sorry for the crappy photo, I used the other phone that I could reach without disturbing her. Did you notice the awkward positions between us, her sleeping almost at my back? That was due to my attempt to get her off my shoulder. She had been on my shoulder long enough that I was afraid there might be some drooling involve, so, I moved my body forward to made her aware of our situations, but, tsk, she didn't even budge. She looked so comfortable that she even lunged herself between me and my seat. That was very uncomfortable for me, by the way. I had to stay that way for an hour or so. 

So can you tell who's between us was very relax for the 3-hour ride and who wasn't?! hehe 

Anyway, I just let her sleep on me for as long as she wanted. She looked really really tired. She was bringing a pail and was wearing rubber boots and she smelled like fish, so i was thinking she must be from a hard day's work of selling fish. People like her should be rewarded a good sleep, indeed. Although the shoulder was complaining... a lot... but all in all, I think I was a good host... or couch. Anything that suited her.

I wanna be as hardcore as she is when i grow old. 

AI

Me watching American Idol: 

Me: Woah! Best. Performance. Ever.

Judges: You didn't do well. Pitchy here and there. You didn't hit those effin notes. Sharp everywhere!

dafak?!

______________________

Me: Ugh, what a waste of time! Boring! Booooooooring.

Judge: (sobbing) You touched my soul!

dafak?!

I could never get this game right!

:/

Do you have those moments when you buy something and pay in cash and the cashier gives you the change back but it takes time (the fastest that you can) for you to put the money in your wallet and then you can feel the humanity judging you from behind? 

I am awkward as always!

Those moments

I had so many embarrassing moments in my life that I could make a novel out of it but  here's random 3 that I could share. Not that you care!

1. 

The whole puberty stage. I was so embarrassed by it. Just the thought of going through it was embarrassing enough for me at that time.

I hate to point out that I had a brushed-in with puberty earlier than a child could handle. I had just turned 10  (yes, that early) when I had my first menstruation. It happened before we had puberty/adolescence lessons in our class. I didn't know how to handle it, not even the simple task of washing my stained delicates. I couldn't forget that day. Needless to say, I was the first girl in the class to have had gone through that phase in life. I just wanted to be a little girl longer so that unwanted transformation brought so much anxiety and insecurities in my life. I wasn't ready yet to face adulthood. It was like, my happy child life was in front of me and was being snatched out from my very own eyes (drama!). I wasn't prepared. I was caught off-guard.

I remember not telling anybody about it. Not even my mother. The thought of me not being a little girl anymore scared the hell outta me. It was a horrible, horrible (I need to say it twice to express its magniture) thing, so I thought, and that shouldn't happen to anyone. Much more to a young innocent child.

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WAS I DOING THE WHOLE TIME! I was just a very confused puberty stricken victim who was trying to self-teach the consequences of bridging into adulthood from my innocent childhood. Nevertheless, no-one ever guided me of crossing over that bridge. I never thought of it as an important part of my life. I was 10 - not until a week ago - for christ's sakes. 

I never asked a soul on how it should be handled, so, I ended up stashing all my stained underwears under the cabinets or in any remote corners that could not be seen by the family. And talking of underwears, there were a lot of them! I wore it in doubles and layered by shorts. Using of sanitary napkins/pads never crossed my mind. I mean, I used to see my mother and older sisters buying it and I knew its purpose but I was too busy being a mens. ninja, sneaking my every moves, that I didn't, for a sec, thought of using pads. How's that for maturity? Oh, nature!

I think that was the beginning of me being aloof and reserved. I always thought of being different from the rest of my peers. That was when I stopped playing all together and started hating boys. 

By the way, it was almost over when my family learned that I was having my first mens.. And that's because I was running out of shorts and undies and my mother didn't see any in her laundry so she was asking questions. And I was running out of alibis.

2. 

This came together with 1. The growing of boobs. I hate it. I was like "hello there! what's your business hangin' on someone else's body?". As a result, I started to slouched. I didn't like anybody to noticed it. When my mother realized this, it became more complicated. She wanted me to wear bras and I couldn't take it. Bras is for grown ups. I was a little girl. 

3. 

I was in second year of high school, the whole town (Oslob) was celebrating its annual fiesta. It was early afternoon and there was an event in the town plaza, a 10-minute pedicab ride from home. My mother was very clear that I could not go to the town unless I was with her or any adult member of our family. But you know, highschool thing, you wanna hang with friends, you felt "cool" that way, so, I escaped. She was busy entertaining visitors and I was really hoping that she couldn't realized I was missing. 

So, at the town, I was being the usual hormonal teenager - very loud! I was already having signs of nearsightedness then, so, when we passed this landscaped garden that had a sign "keep off the grass", being cool that I am, I encouraged 4 of my friends to still go over the garden. I even went in there first, half walking half running. Yeah, cool! I didn't notice that there was this rope/nylon, knee-high, that was guarding the garden. My foot was caught off it and I stumbled knee first to the rocky ground. It was fiesta, so, people were everywhere. The big wounds on each of my knees caused by the fall, which I didn't have any idea on how to explain it to my mother, didn't surpass the humiliation I felt to those who witnessed my downfall.

To cut the story short, I didn't see the town's merriment and went home early with my wounded ego... I mean, knees. My mother was still busy so she didn't notice me as I went upstairs to self-medicate me. I didn't see any betadine and was so afraid of asking my mother's help, because more or less, I might be having add-ons of my suffering from her pinches and scolding. Anywhere I looked, I couldn't see any first aid medicines but saw this astringent (ESKINOL) lying from a distance, instead. I grabbed it and bathed my knees with it. Don't ask why. I was a teenager, full of hormones and bad decisions! And whoever said that physical pain is better that emotional pain, haven't tried bathing fresh wounds with alcohol. Just saying. and I cried. A little. In seclusion. 

And it was not until a week later that my mother learned of the wounds that had got infected and of how I got it. I hid it in long shorts (not a pun) and uniforms until I couldn't bare the pain anymore. And also, the WADDLING as I walk, I couldn't made up stories for that, too. So I confessed :(