birthday blues

i woke up pre-dawn during my birthday and when i realized it, i was having palpitations... and not in a good way... not the kind where you're excited and couldn't contend it. it is more of like being chased by demons and wanna hide in middle earth kind of way. realizations flooded and occupied at the tiniest nerves of my brain cells - and at 1:00 in the morning, much of them were dead asleep. all those questions of "what ifs" and "why i'm still not..." bugged me and base on experience, i'll be dealing with it every 28th of the first month of the year.

i was considering to have a grand EXIT from the earth and go to other random planets where there are a thousand days in a year - where i could celebrate birthdays lesser. pluto perhaps.. wait, that isn't a planet anymore. that's another thing i'm mad about, they're excluding pluto from the list of planets. i mean... i digress. i guess i'll make a separate post out of that. my point is, i don't want a plus on my age. i haven't grow that much (we're not talking about physical aspects, leave my bilbil alone) since my last birthday! and that just scares the hell out of me! i still don't have a house, a car, i'm still not sexy, i'm still single - amongst other things. i mean, i haven't attained half of the things i wrote in my high school essay of "what i'm gonna be 10 years from now". omg, panic attack! panic attack!

and i feel uneasy. i don't want people to make it a big of a deal. i just want it to be a normal day. i don't know what's with me, it just it!

although, i don't want to be pretentuous and lie about it, but i was sad when no one texted me til 2pm. not making it a big deal is one thing and not remembering it is another thing... the last part kinda hurts!

all the greetings came a day after. yuh, i remember, everyone thought my birthday is on the 29th. just a small mistake from the registry of names (i don't know what are they being called) that i had to suffer from the rest of my life. sweet!

i was thankful for the wonderful greetings on my facebook. gestures like this is more than enough. just happy wishes.. no asking of age.. 

although, this post makes me blush! thanks a lot icing! she made this 4-5 years ago and i was so touched. she re-posted it on facebook. she is the sweetest!

thanks to my brother and my long time friend juliet who made an overseas call all the way from UAE and Japan, respectively.

thanks to my bff, norina, for coming all the way from singapore to share this special day with me..

and lastly to my family.. nagpa nobena tawn sila ka senyor sto niño for me.. you are the best!

do not read

I'm allergic to relationship and it makes me crazy thinking about marriage. 

Philippines has no divorce so I'd be stuck with him [what every fairy tale is fondly refers to as] FOREVER. I am on my mid 20's and man, if I'd be married now, how long is forever gonna be? I know, that word defies romance in every possible levels but reality has it's own way of sucking that word up. 

Oh! why do marriage was invented!! Can we be like pigs and screw every person we like?. Oh, did I just said that? WORD!

And if anything goes wrong with the marriage and thinking that human male's average lifespan is 75 years old, "'til death to us part" is a very very long time and I don't have the patience to wait up. You know how everyone's talking about the greatness of being proactive, is this applicable in this scenario? I could encourage him to drink and smoke more!! That is a long shot but one can only hope.

Above all, the reason I'm not a marrying type? Coz I'm single.. hahaha.. you know the tales about single and being insecure?! I'm starting to believe that! 

Lemme tell you another story if (??!!) I can find the right one :P

my inspiration for this post:

-there are two kinds of men in the world - a good one and my cousin's husband! all i'm saying is that how can a person, refered by the society as the "haligi ng tahanan" beat up a woman who makes them a living and doesn't take care of his children and still has a good night sleep?

wrapping up 2012

for milestones...

1. i was in the US for the first quarter of the year

....

i think that's pretty it for the milestones. unless i was drunk the entire year and forgot what had happened, my life has been uneventful and pretty boring the rest of the year! my saturdays was spent in front of my laptop, which doesn't serve it's purpose as what i've thought when i bought it (to practice my programming skills) coz what i only made it do is play movies and tv series. yeah, i past my mid 20's and still my life revolves around fictional lives portrayed by fictional characters on television.

of course there are some minor milestones that had happened to me, but i don't want you to sleep reading this... so skipt that part.

on the other part, i've been to a series of misfortunes and shameful event last year, and for the sake of equality, let me put it here, too.

2. i stalked people on the internet. there is this young girl (she's 15) who has this incredible blog site. it really is not that good for some, but for me it's while-worthy. she talks about her dreams which others may find it boring, but for someone like me whom when i was her age, the only time i spent writing is when a teacher puts a grade on it - that's pretty amazing.

3. i planned to loss weight many times and as you may have seen me this year - I FAILED! apparently, food is stronger that i thought. it always wins!

4. i've been asked to donate blood for my friends (not necessarily the recepient) and i've taking that into consideration but my fear of needles is too much - just the mere thought of it making it's way into my body makes me puke! and it's just crazy that every time a friend needs a blood donor, it always is B+. and guess what, i carried those bloods. pffft (honestly i don't know what pffft means but it seems people on the internet used it as an expression for frustration, so...)! i dont know, maybe we (B+ carriers) are generally sickly or... that is just rude, lemme stop here.

5. i lost my wallet... again. i may set a record here and it seemed like i make it a habit, annually. that was pre-christmas and i carried more than enough money coz you know it was gift-giving time and you could have an impromptu shopping... so, i was in the grocery buying candies (not for me but for nieces and nephews, let's make that clear and no looking back on number 3 again) and after paying at the cashier, i went to the nearest table in the foodcourt adjacent to the grocery. i put everything on it including the wallet, sorted my 3 bags of groceries out and then head home. i just realize 20 minutes later that i've lost it when i stopped in a nearby fastfood to eat (aherms, again let's not look back on number 3) and can't find my wallet in my bag. you know, all those experiences i've had in the past did something good for me to at least calm me down even if my heart seemed like it'll going to pop right out from my chest. then i was thinking of what will be my excuse to be out leave from the office to get a new set of atm and credit cards. coz it's the last month of the year and i'm pretty sure i already used all my leave credits. anyway, i went back to the table and didn't found it. and i'm not sure when and where did i lost it. and i think, it was God's gift to me when a security guard approached me and asked if i lost something. every eyes on the foodcourt was on me - even from those creepy lechon on the food counter. so to cut the story short, the guard saw it lying on the table and turn it over to the customer service. so i got my wallet back. best christmas present ever!