birthday blues

i woke up pre-dawn during my birthday and when i realized it, i was having palpitations... and not in a good way... not the kind where you're excited and couldn't contend it. it is more of like being chased by demons and wanna hide in middle earth kind of way. realizations flooded and occupied at the tiniest nerves of my brain cells - and at 1:00 in the morning, much of them were dead asleep. all those questions of "what ifs" and "why i'm still not..." bugged me and base on experience, i'll be dealing with it every 28th of the first month of the year.

i was considering to have a grand EXIT from the earth and go to other random planets where there are a thousand days in a year - where i could celebrate birthdays lesser. pluto perhaps.. wait, that isn't a planet anymore. that's another thing i'm mad about, they're excluding pluto from the list of planets. i mean... i digress. i guess i'll make a separate post out of that. my point is, i don't want a plus on my age. i haven't grow that much (we're not talking about physical aspects, leave my bilbil alone) since my last birthday! and that just scares the hell out of me! i still don't have a house, a car, i'm still not sexy, i'm still single - amongst other things. i mean, i haven't attained half of the things i wrote in my high school essay of "what i'm gonna be 10 years from now". omg, panic attack! panic attack!

and i feel uneasy. i don't want people to make it a big of a deal. i just want it to be a normal day. i don't know what's with me, it just it!

although, i don't want to be pretentuous and lie about it, but i was sad when no one texted me til 2pm. not making it a big deal is one thing and not remembering it is another thing... the last part kinda hurts!

all the greetings came a day after. yuh, i remember, everyone thought my birthday is on the 29th. just a small mistake from the registry of names (i don't know what are they being called) that i had to suffer from the rest of my life. sweet!

i was thankful for the wonderful greetings on my facebook. gestures like this is more than enough. just happy wishes.. no asking of age.. 

although, this post makes me blush! thanks a lot icing! she made this 4-5 years ago and i was so touched. she re-posted it on facebook. she is the sweetest!

thanks to my brother and my long time friend juliet who made an overseas call all the way from UAE and Japan, respectively.

thanks to my bff, norina, for coming all the way from singapore to share this special day with me..

and lastly to my family.. nagpa nobena tawn sila ka senyor sto niño for me.. you are the best!