At My Funeral

Disclaimer: If you have a heart problem or the sort, I advised you to stop right here and leave this site. I would not held responsible of any occurrence due to this post.


Does this happen to you? Coz, I'll surely start digging a hole for my tomb if this only happens to me. I know I'm a little schizophrenic, but sometimes, I am way out of the line and do things normal people would not do.

Things like:
You lay down in bed at night, readied to be off to dreamland, then as your upper and lower eyelids meet to cover the windows of your soul, as you preparing to doze off - your mind play tricks and lingers to anything farthest from sleep. You started to think of what year are you in, freaking out of how old you are but still you haven't reach halfway of your goals in life, right then and there, problems and thoughts keeping pouring in. From financial problem to the tiniest worries of what to wear the next day coz you pretty damn sure that you ransack all the clean clothes out of your closet, and a mountain of laundry pile in your hamper, cold and untouched. Then you forgot about napping at all coz your blood seems so vibrant you wanna hype, you feel so high you wanna roar. Eternity have past, so it seemed. Still you are wildly awake.

Then you hear the ticktacking of your wall clock and as you look at it, the smaller hand pointing a quarter to four. Gush! You only had less than four hours before your alarm will set-off. Then frustrate of getting some sleep, you do what your kinder garten teacher told you, "count from 1 to 100, then reverse, this will put you asleep". No luck this time. Then you memorize all the president of the Republic of the Philippines, hoping that will help, coz they say boredom will lead you drowse. Nah! You groan louder. Then you name all the animals in Noah's arc as much as you can remember, maybe this will do. But still.... You tried some techniques with no success. 


Until you found an amusing game, you picture out your own funeral, and count all the people that will surely come and pay respect to you. Of course you have already 20 given your own family and relatives, sure they'll be present, coz they adore you. Then you add 10 from your workmates, of course they would be there, they like you a lot, maybe your boss too, if you get lucky. And then 5 from your college friends, your "barkada", other's would mourn but they would not exert effort of getting a hundred-and-seventeen kilometers sprint going to your province, you're not that close anyway. How about your highschool classmates, you are their class president, they should at least see you for the last time, you've been a good leader, they should remember. Your grade school fellows, they played with you during lunch break, you're very good at it, they should at least visit you. Your teachers, you are the best student they ever had, maybe second best or whatever, but at least you think you are. How about your preschooler's crush, you gave him your best smile every morning...

You counted on and on 'til you reach 500 on your list. And then the last entry in your list is your frenemy when you were still 5 years old, the one who gave you 'sambag' during good days and threw stones at you during the not-so-good days. And you lost count and forget everything. Coz you doze-off already. 


The next thing you know is your alarm clock banging out of your eardrums, sign to start another hectic day. Your head hurts as you stand up and afraid to look back at your bed coz when the time you'll do it you wanna crawl under the sheets again and will shuffle mentally the best reasonable excuse to be out sick leave from the office. The thought is very tempting but thinking of the workload that sits in your cube and queued in your emails, you don't have the heart to do so.

So you'll get up and took 2 aspirin, take a shower, dress, put your killer smile and off to work.

Yuh, the funeral thing?!, happens to me.

A Letter To My Future Husband

- i still cannot sleep, its already quarter to 3 in the morning. my eyes are still open as big as owl's, i just had finished writing letter to myself, and now i will start writing letter to my future husband. and if i can't still sleep anytime soon, i'll be writing letters to every living things existed.


Dear Future Husband,

If you believe in the saying that "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach", then, pity you, coz the farthest I can go with culinary arts is boiled eggs and mixing 'tuyo' and vinegar, and it's not perfect at all times.

You might have high expectations, but, you must know that I don't do household chores, not when there's a gun in my head. I just stated my cooking disabilities earlier, I must say - laundry sucks and as I remember very well, I didn't received any awards from my 'Home Economics' subject way back school and I have no plans of taking special courses about 'Interior Designing' in the near future, so, decorating our home-to-be is still on debate. I should say, this is a big issue for me. And, as I reminisce, the last time I put curtains in our home was.. (thinking).. never. I haven't had (shoulders shrug). Gush, now you think I'm a monster.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but men love praises all the time, well, too bad, coz I'm not really inclined with FLOWERY WORDS, (tsk-tsking), but I say THANK YOU all the time :) If you know what I mean.

I am a calm person, but if provoked, I can be troublesome to the point of getting our yet-to-be-contructed-house burnt. In short, DO NOT TRY ME! My patience wears out easily. I'm not threatening you, but if you feel like it, BETTER BE.

I think that would be all. So, there (shoulders shrug again). Now,if you still think that being married to me is a good idea, try ask your mom, there's no harm in having second opinion, doctors do that all the time. DO NOT SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.


Sincerely yours,
Future Mrs. You

A Letter For Me

- its dangerous when u cannot sleep, coz you'll end up making crazy stuff and write crazy letter to oneself. it's 1 in the morning and my eyes hurt from forcefully shutting it just to sleep. and then, unaware of my actions, i grab a pen and write a letter to the most important person in the world - ME.


Dear Ja/Daya/Vella,

You have so little faith in you. You act like a coward tiny living thing in the bottom of food chain. Most of the time, you feel like everyone and everything else's matters before you. No wonder, you cannot speak out your mind and failed to stand up for what you believe, in front of me and to your peers. It's like, you just go with the flow and let someone else manipulate your life. Stop acting like a puppet and pull out those damn strings. Don't let someone run your life. I'm sick and tired of watching your muted lips when you see things went on the other way it shouldn't be. C'mon, you're a big girl, ACT LIKE ONE.

For once in your pathetic life, stand up for what you believe and take pride of what you accomplished (kung naa!). You earned it and you deserved it coz you work your butt-off of it. (Tama!!)

You are a good person (char!). You must know that. You have a clean heart and that is what matters most. So don't you dare let anyone takes you down.

Even if others do not believe in you, even if they say something bad about you. You couldn't care less, coz you know the true YOU. You, off all people, most know of your capabilities. You, above all, could see the inner beauty of yourself (sige gud!).

Now, HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, AND SCREAM TO THE WORLD, NO.. I MEAN... SHOW TO THE WORLD WHAT YOU'VE GOT, aside from your boobs and bilbil of course.

You're a good man, believe me. YOU'RE SO GOOD THAT THERE SHOULD BE A MONUMENT OR STATUE BUILD IN YOUR LIKENESS. OR A STREET NAMED AFTER YOU (is that possible when you are still alive?).

Let me be proud of you.

(Now, this looks creepy already. I should stop!)

Loving you most,
Self