right words to say

I can't remember when was the last time I cried this hard, my eyes are hurting already and yet I still couldn't stop to cry. No, that was not a cry. Bawl was a right word. My chest hurts so bad that for a sec, I thought I was having a heart attack.

I can't even remember when was the last time I cried this noisily, I think a person hundred meters from me could even hear it. It's not easy, to be given this task only a mother can do. I want to give up, but who else will do? It's so hard coz they see you as just another human being who talk shit, coz honestly, I'm not the best counselor there is.

I can't remember crying this much that I couldn't even see the words I wrote (sorry for typos if there is). I need to write it down coz I need an escape or else my chest will burst and explode in a tiny million pieces, and that is just too painful!

I can't even remember the last time I cried too much, that I could no longer utter a word without quivering. If I just heard me, I'm sure I'm gonna laugh. The only thing that will came out from my mouth is a coherent mumble and a sob! And that is just disgusting.

I can't remember crying this hard that even breathing becomes an ardous task.

Feels like I just cried out a year's worth of tears today. I don't cry too much but I still cry and that that is just human.